Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 19, 2011 12:44:54 GMT 1
It's bloody good fun isn't it? I've had 3 hours of it now and another 80 minutes to go in a week or two. And how the FUCK can a Syrian dentist called Mohammed be a Swansea city fan? Just another one of God's custard pies, as that old bastard Jeffrey would have said.
Still, on balance, it's better than having a steel pipe inserted in ones anus and up around the bends of ones lower colon.
Does anyone else have any painful and/or humiliating medical procedures they wish to share? Such as Sith's gender reassignment surgery - I understand they've nearly rolled up enough buttock fat wrapped in clitoris allsorts to make "him" a cock.
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merkin
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Post by merkin on Oct 19, 2011 13:00:12 GMT 1
hardly surgery you big gay bear.
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brispie
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Post by brispie on Oct 19, 2011 13:10:07 GMT 1
I've just had root canal. It was a doddle really, just took several visits. And on the good old NHS only cost £47 whereas going private would have been more in the region of £500.
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 19, 2011 13:12:41 GMT 1
If pumping someone full of anaesthetic while removing bits of them that they were born with using a massive array of horrid looking hardware isn't surgery I'd like to know what the blinkin' flip is. You TWAT.
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merkin
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Post by merkin on Oct 19, 2011 13:17:32 GMT 1
how the fuck did get it on the NHS?
Bernie - doddle - like brispie says
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 19, 2011 13:19:46 GMT 1
Yep, due to my impatience (and previous horrible experiences with the Swedish version of the NHS) I went private and it is indeed costing me something north of a monkey. However, public-sector treatment woudl have been predicated on me paying 100 quid a year or so in insurance which I haven't done. instead choosing to go to the dentist when everything is royally fucked instead of having regular checkups. Taking that into account, anything under about 1200 quid and I'm actually in profit.
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 19, 2011 13:21:51 GMT 1
Not on my teeth, which are obviously of better quality and thus complexity than those of oiks from the Midlands like you pair. I'll refer you to my dentist, who has had a hell of a time fixing this fucker because it's right at the back and I have the most sensitive gag reflex in the world. I nearly puked on him when he shoved an x-ray plate thing in there.
And since when is "surgery" defined as "that which is not a doddle"? Amputations are piss easy but they still count as surgery.
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merkin
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Post by merkin on Oct 19, 2011 13:26:40 GMT 1
I've had 2 root canals and they were a doddle.
Amputations are not a doddle.
Let's test the theory. What would you prefer - a root canal or your leg being amputated?
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 19, 2011 13:36:17 GMT 1
How the fuck do you know? YOu were just laid in a chair with your fat fucking pie-hatch wafting halitosis at the ceiling. You weren't the one doing it. And once again, what sort of fucking mong would define "surgery" as "that which is not a doddle" ?
Of cunting course they twatting well are, pisschops. You just saw the fucking limb off and cauterize what's left. This is why they used to employ blacksmiths, carpenters and the like for that sort of work. Root canal you have to drill the bastard down, find the root canals (which took my Syrian friend two visits) clean all the rotted nerve out of them, measure the depths, fill the bastards and put a crown on. At the very least.
The latter is certainly the easier procedure to do - a doddle, in fact. Probably considerably less uncomfortable and quicker to go through as well. It's only the long term effects that one wouldn't prefer.
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Post by JohnnyNeptune on Oct 19, 2011 13:36:42 GMT 1
i knew that about your gag reflex already when you choked on my back-fat implanted clitoris
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 19, 2011 13:41:56 GMT 1
To be fair, it was still a clitoris then though. A frighteningly engorged, discoloured and misshapen clitoris, but a clitoris none the less.
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brispie
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Post by brispie on Oct 19, 2011 14:49:52 GMT 1
Anaesthetic? You soft southern poof.
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 19, 2011 14:58:59 GMT 1
I believe the price is the same with or without. Having not toughened myself up at a young age by getting stabbed repeatedly, it seemed the sensible option.
And I really, REALLY don't believe you had living pulp and nerve extracted from your tooth without some form of pain relief, because pretty much nobody could handle that. If it was all dead then fair enough (though I'd still opt for the spike just for the fine chemical buzz), but I had some intact nerves left in one of the buggers. Which was the reason I went in the first place - it was starting to fucking hurt as the nerves were exposed.
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brispie
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Post by brispie on Oct 19, 2011 15:21:23 GMT 1
Most of the tooth was dead, but there was definitely something still in there when she was cleaning all the gunk out. I'm hard as nails though, as you all know.
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 19, 2011 15:27:12 GMT 1
Yeah, gunk. I it were nerve you'd have been through the ceiling. I demand to see your dental records to settle this properly.
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brispie
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Post by brispie on Oct 19, 2011 16:17:51 GMT 1
She was brushing the edge of it, which sent a jolt through me. I felt like Frankenstein's monster on the point of coming alive.
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merkin
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Post by merkin on Oct 20, 2011 8:08:43 GMT 1
why the fuck would i care how difficult or not a certain 'surgery' is - that is for the 'surgeon' to worry about.
as a patient, surgery is defined as a doddle if, it doesn't really hurt, there is little risk in fucking you up on the table and if they are no long term issues.
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 20, 2011 8:29:02 GMT 1
Because that defines the difficulty of the procedure. Brain surgery probably seems pretty easy to the person it's being done to, what with them being asleep and all.
So you agree with me that root canal surgery is surgery despite claiming, rather stupidly, that it wasn't, earlier. Great!
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merkin
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Post by merkin on Oct 20, 2011 8:42:53 GMT 1
No you stupid prick.
I said it was 'hardly' surgery. On a scale of 1-100, its a 1.5.
As for the brian surgery...see my side notes on risks of fucking u up on the table and long term risks - ie brain damage.
What risk with a root canal? chipped enamel?
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 20, 2011 8:56:48 GMT 1
That's hardly honest. Or sensible. And it also means you contradict your assertion that amputation is NOT a doddle - the risks are minimal and in the long term you aren't going to have any adverse affects from something that isn't there any more. Still, as long as you agree with me (and thus implicitly admit you were wrong) I'm not fussed.
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merkin
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Post by merkin on Oct 20, 2011 11:36:38 GMT 1
amputation would be catastophic
it would affect my football.
you picked root canals over amputation as your preference though right?
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 20, 2011 11:48:38 GMT 1
Except in the case of gangrene, where amputation would save your life. Once again, the procedure is easy and risk free. Much easier than pissing about filling tiny channels in a tooth.
I'd take amputation and have a super-bionic leg fitted. With a bottle of whisky in the calf and an optic instead of a big toe. THat might at least alleviate the toothache.
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Post by denby on Oct 20, 2011 14:01:12 GMT 1
special drinking legs
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brispie
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Post by brispie on Oct 20, 2011 15:13:42 GMT 1
Just fucking chipped my tooth whilst eating my sandwich. Fucking, fucker.
This week I've already had the oven break and been involved in a car crash.
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Bernie
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Post by Bernie on Oct 20, 2011 15:28:31 GMT 1
What the FUCK was in your sandwich?
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gymmers
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Post by gymmers on Oct 20, 2011 15:29:36 GMT 1
I don't have to roll out your 'plumbing investigation' post again, do I Bernie?
If I do, I will have members of the public staring at me whilst I splutter my beer everywhere
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gymmers
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Post by gymmers on Oct 20, 2011 15:32:28 GMT 1
(I will spare you all 'birth' stories. They are they height of humiliation)
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brispie
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Post by brispie on Oct 20, 2011 16:51:35 GMT 1
chicken and lettuce. Maybe a bit of bone in the chicken.
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Post by Wizaard on Oct 21, 2011 10:00:47 GMT 1
At the Thackray Medical Museum in Leeds they have a film clip of a surgeon amputating a leg using the traditional skills and tools. He gets the leg off, cauterised and sewn up in about 20 seconds, without anaesthetic. Doddle Meanwhile, a sympathy rating of 0 for anyone who chips a tooth on a sandwich. I'm guessing wholemeal bread with bits of nut and grit in it. A white bread jam sandwich simply doesn't lead to these issues.
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Michelotti
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Post by Michelotti on Oct 21, 2011 10:12:45 GMT 1
Had Carpal Tunnel surgery this time last year under a local anasthaetic. Was determined to watch, but a combination of being a downright wuss, a beautiful nurse holding my good hand and smiling at me, and a strange tugging sensation and scraping sounds eminating from the direction of my left wrist kind of put me off. having said that, the most painful part was the anasthaetic injection which hurt like hell......Thankfully I was asleep for Cruciate Ligament reconstruction, Distal Bicep Tendon Repair, and Laperoscopic colosystectomy (Gall Bladder Removal)
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