N.B. I didn’t make any notes yesterday, so please correct me or add to this!!
31st March 1975 – Fast forward 37 years on and it’s 6.30am – the alarm has gone off but the birds are tweeting, the sun is shining and life feels good – it’s my birthday but more importantly – it’s a pikey day!! – Carlisle here we come. So it’s time to jet over to Chapel Allerton to pick up Pete who has been buzzing all week about this with various “WHOOOAAA WHOOOOAA NA NA NA NA NA!” texts arriving in my inbox at various points!! – There he is with his ruck sack and it’s back towards Roberttown café with all the talk about the day ahead.
As we sit down for a breakfast that holds no peers, Pete pulls out a birthday card and in it a match ticket and £5! – Talk about a result!! – What kindness from “ALAN ALAN LEE!” as his latest riposte is heard! Roberttown Blue appears looking half asleep – so much so that he left half his stuff at home as we had to divert on route to the club. As I head towards the club I peep my horn and pretend to mow down half the Pikeys waiting at the roadside. I thought it was funny but walking back up towards them after parking the car I don’t think they did. No bus as 8.30am ticked over so the mighty Phil H got on the dog and bone to see where it was, alas it appeared 10 minutes late!
Quite a small turnout compared to recent buses, but it’s not the size is it!? Its what you do with em that counts and with the Pikey board hoisted on the back window by diggers, its off to Cumbria we go! Its not long before the CD is put on by Pete and The Human League were wanting our love action before we’d even got on the 62! Daz was passing round the photo of the corporate Pikeys (do them words go together!?) It was good to see Dooky onboard – though we wouldn’t see him on the way back! (more later) With the usual football card action with Bull flying down the aisles – the bus was in good spirits. I was sat with Glen again behind Ash and Nomis who were scouring the Racing Post for winning bets.
First stop was Penrith just before 11am. A lovely quaint place going about its business on a busy Saturday – then a bus full of nutters arrives and worrying looks as we piled off. The first pub we tried was shut – so we all split up – as Me, Glen, Pete and Hecky Blue began a pool competition in the Last Orders – Kosi was on form and with Glen managed to overturn a 5 ball deficit to win! (5 balls up and you f**ked it up) was the chant echoing round as the landlord came to see what all the fuss was about. A Vladimir Klitschko look alike not impressed as we got the eye from him to which spectator Army found very amusing. Pete and Hecky Blue winning the last frame in which potting the black ball took about 30 mins as Pete eyed it up in about 50 different positions all over the pub. No idea where everyone else was and with technology not at its best here (no phone signal) we all went our separate ways. I went back to the Last Orders later where a double sambuca was ordered for yours truly and necked and it was time to get back to the bus for 1.15 as per Phil H.
Well 1.15 and no bus – 30 mins later it arrived and with the local constabulary ushering us on as lots piled into Greggs. They even followed us all the way back on the M6 and into the service station – This Millbridge lot “a nawty little firm” – We managed to break our escort and head to brunton park where a new song broke out from the back of the bus from Cops and Diggers
“DIEGOOOO WHOOOAAA, DIEGGOOOO WHOOOOOAA”
“HE COMES FROM URUGUAY – HE’S HAD CLAMIDIA (sp?) TWICE”
“DIEEEGOOOO WHOOOAAA, DIEGGOOOO, WHOOOAAA”
And then summat about a big cock and then another line about a third leg (please add to the post boys! – I’ve forgotten!”
“HUDDDERSFIELD, HUDDERSFIELD!” as we banged on the windows as the bus is taken round the side of the stand to be parked up – perfect timing (was 2.45) and time to go straight in the ground where everyone else was in and milling around the concourse when the loudest ever…
“WHEN HUDDERSFIELD TOWN GO UP AGAIN TA RA, TA RA!” broke out with the pikeys going absolutely mental and others joining in, up the steps we went and the teams coming out – what could possibly go wrong from here lol!!?
Me and Bull were on the back row bashing on the back of the stand trying to re create the home clapathon and succeeding at times. A dismal first half and in the concourse area I bumped into an old friend who supports Sadford – here for a stag do. “how the hell are you 4th Kosi!?” he said – good question pal and as Carlisle scored first in the 2nd half their pressure deserved it looked like another false dawn after Charlton. Alan Lee comes on and things change with an equaliser 10 minutes from time – Bull decides to jump on me and I land pinned against the stand in an uncomfortable position with the rest going wild around us – ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK as we searched for the winner and Petes hero again Alan Lee smashes the post but in true Town style we manage to get not 3, not 1 but 0 points in the last kick of the game as Smithies comes out like Clark Kent but not quick enough as the home fans go wild.
Final whistle and it was time to put another brave face on it as we piled out with Bull and I dancing to the post match Caribbean music put on over the PA! – The Pikey bus had been moved to the front of the convoy but as we approached there were stewards and police and an animated Phil H kicking off big style – It was unclear at first why but then Andy Ambler and Dave (good to see The Brighouse Boys back) joined in. The crime of the steward was to give Phil H a written receipt for £15 for the coach being parked – I’m not sure what the problem with this was but it was causing great amusement to some and the police and great fury to others!! – Eventually it simmered down and the furious pikeys boarded the bus with abuse being shouted at the stewards. All very odd but hoping someone can clear up why all the fury!!
Onto Skipton then for the evenings festivities with various receipt themed songs being yelled by Pete at Phil!!
“YOU’VE HEARD OF PHIL H, YOU’VE HEARD OF A RECEIPT TOO!”
Skipton just like Penrith – a quiet place but off piled the Pikeys into the various pubs. The first one was as big as the Camp Nou – The Black Horse – with only 2 serving and 40 people needing a beer – Diggers leads the way to the restaurant bit where there was no one waiting at the bar – genius!! – More sambucas for yours truly bought by some kind hearted pikeys as 1 by 1 they hit home like a punch from a boxer! – I was sick in the toilet and needed to get some fresh air as I stumbled down the high street to be joined by Mezz and we went for a cheeky ale elsewhere – where later we were joined by Ash, Nomis, Mezz and amy at a pub which escapes me where we bumped into a bizarre woman who was claiming to have lived and been everywhere. You name it, she’d been there – Crosland Moor, Dalton, Carlisle, Skipton, Wakefield, Halifax and so the list went on. Mezz reckoned she would give her “one” but what the “one” was for me would be different to his idea. I was thinking a one way train ticket to Scotland! Nomis swilling his real ale was eyeing some posh totty up through a window and claiming to have been given “the come to bed eyes” – when I saw them, they seemed to be more “stop staring at me or I’ll knock you out” eyes! – perhaps it was just as well it was time to get back to the bus – 9.15 departure time said Ian but as we all know – the Pikey bus never runs to time (still blame Scoff for his Norwich antics for installing bad timekeeping values!) As I got on the bus the driver kindly had put new carrier bags out on the seat ends but then Hecky Blue, Bull, Roberttown Blue and others decided to put them on their heads.
“BOING BOING BAGGIES BAGGIES!” said RB as the bus rocked with people going mental with carrier bags on their heads – the locals must have thought that we were all heading back to our care centre for the night.
Then a presentation to me of a crate of ale and a bottom of buca from Pete! Apparently he had organised a collection for my birthday amongst the Pikeys! – What an amazing gesture – I was made up! – Off we went back on the A650 and we’d just got to Keighley when Diggers and Mids noticed that Dooky was missing. As nobody had his number there was little we could do – Hope you are ok pal and that you maybe found a big busty Skipton blonde hence the no show on the bus!
Through Bradford we went and passed the Valley Parade “sh1thole”
“I’M A BASTARD, I’M A BASTARD, I’M A BASTARD YES I AM”
“OH I’D RATHER BE A BASTARD THAN A BRADFORD CITY FAN”
“BRADFORDS A SH1THOLE – I WANNA GO HOME”
Petes chances of getting on a train at the Interchange receding with every song as the door open. Eventually he got off and via Gomersal and dropping off cops it was back to HQ about 10.30 ish
What can I say!? – A superb birthday and I couldn’t wish it to have been spent with better people! – The team did what they do well – break your heart but Wembley and the most amazing Millbridge trip is still on and what a day that would be! – Made up and humbled by the beer and buca - thank you! :
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Lets just hope that if we do get to Wembley that they’ve got coach parking VAT receipts to suit Phil H – Or else!!!! :boxing:
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