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Post by ShortbreadPete on Oct 20, 2013 13:35:58 GMT 1
WYP are investigating several complaints received after yesterday's MAD(Millbridge Away Days) trip to Leicester.
In the most serious complaint, made by several travelling fans upon their return, an allegation of scratch card tampering has been passed to the Lotteries and Gaming Board commission. It is alleged that one of the coach organisers removed the silver foil revealing the winning team in advance and then re-covered the words 'Aston Villa' with silver foil. As the alleged culprit was the first to participate and chose this very team, the evidence appears conclusive. The organiser in question eloquently defended himself by stating, "It's a load of crap. These were brand new scratch cards and I have a receipt with a VAT number on to prove it." This was in reference to a previous scandal when the organiser was accused of hand-writing a coach parking ticket receipt at Carlilse; a case that was later proven by the absence of a VAT number.
In another serious complaint, a bald, middle-aged man who travelled was accused of 'conduct likely to cause offence' to fellow passengers. The allegation, again made by several who were on the coach, was that the man in question was wearing very short swimming trunks throughout the day that 'left little to the imagination.' The man, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said in his defence " I am convalescing and the swimming trunks help me to feel as if I am on holiday relaxing." A police spokesperson commented, "Whilst at this precise moment in time we have some sympathy with the overweight and verbally challenged young man, we take allegations of Speedophile behaviour very seriously indeed. We understand from our many witnesses that at one point the man started singing loudly." We understand from sources that the song in question began with what clearly appears to be a self-confession statement 'I am a speedophile'.
Another complaint, this time from the driver, is that several passengers on the coach were unkind to him by singing 'you don't know where you're going'. This was apparently as a result of an aborted attempt by the driver to find somewhere to park in Ilkeston due to the presence of a large fairground in the town centre that led to heavy traffic and several road closures. The driver commented, " I had been driving around and around for over two hours in an attempt to find a road in to the centre. When we came to the same junction for the seventh time, several passengers could be heard chanting a song with the clear inference that my sense of purpose and direction was being questioned. I, myself, personally, found the words 'you don't know where you're going' to be verbally abusive and calculated to cause me distress. I have been signed off from work for a minimum period of four weeks during which time I will receive therapeutic counselling to repair the damage to my confidence and self-esteem."
The Police spokesperson said that there were many serious complaints and issues to deal with following several anonymous calls received after the trip. Apparently Police wish to interview everyone who travelled but the organisers were unable to provide names and even gave several different versions of how many were on the coach. A source close to the organisers said that he understood that head-counts were performed regularly during the day but that numbers varied depending on whether the count started from the front or the back. Apparently a further complicating factor was that some people were not yet back on the coach when the head-counts were carried out following stop-offs as they were either having a cigarette outside or were in the toilet. Clearly a full review of procedures is required urgently. The organisers have agreed to this and have promised that they will ask the club's cleaner, Thelma, to perform this task when she gets a spare five minutes. The organisers were unsure whether Thelma worked mornings or afternoons or whether or not she was currently on holiday or had quit. " We haven't seen Thelma for a while" commented one " but when we do we'll have a word or we might leave her a note next to the pork scratchings box." The Police felt that the reference to 'scratchings' may have been a guilty reference to another serious complaint and have written the comment down and may use it in evidence in court.
The Police spokespersons final comments were damning words indeed, " We are appalled at the behaviour of some who travelled and the general sloppiness of the organisation of these trips. We had another coach that travelled yesterday from nearby (the BOD squad) that included several gentlemen who were on a weekend release license. All appeared to have behaved impeccably and not a single complaint has been received. All those on license were back home before 6pm and duly honoured their tagging requirements."
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Post by scoffsablue on Oct 20, 2013 18:57:01 GMT 1
WYP are investigating several complaints received after yesterday's MAD(Millbridge Away Days) trip to Leicester. In the most serious complaint, made by several travelling fans upon their return, an allegation of scratch card tampering has been passed to the Lotteries and Gaming Board commission. It is alleged that one of the coach organisers removed the silver foil revealing the winning team in advance and then re-covered the words 'Aston Villa' with silver foil. As the alleged culprit was the first to participate and chose this very team, the evidence appears conclusive. The organiser in question eloquently defended himself by stating, "It's a load of crap. These were brand new scratch cards and I have a receipt with a VAT number on to prove it." This was in reference to a previous scandal when the organiser was accused of hand-writing a coach parking ticket receipt at Carlilse; a case that was later proven by the absence of a VAT number. In another serious complaint, a bald, middle-aged man who travelled was accused of 'conduct likely to cause offence' to fellow passengers. The allegation, again made by several who were on the coach, was that the man in question was wearing very short swimming trunks throughout the day that 'left little to the imagination.' The man, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said in his defence " I am convalescing and the swimming trunks help me to feel as if I am on holiday relaxing." A police spokesperson commented, "Whilst at this precise moment in time we have some sympathy with the overweight and verbally challenged young man, we take allegations of Speedophile behaviour very seriously indeed. We understand from our many witnesses that at one point the man started singing loudly." We understand from sources that the song in question began with what clearly appears to be a self-confession statement 'I am a speedophile'. Another complaint, this time from the driver, is that several passengers on the coach were unkind to him by singing 'you don't know where you're going'. This was apparently as a result of an aborted attempt by the driver to find somewhere to park in Ilkeston due to the presence of a large fairground in the town centre that led to heavy traffic and several road closures. The driver commented, " I had been driving around and around for over two hours in an attempt to find a road in to the centre. When we came to the same junction for the seventh time, several passengers could be heard chanting a song with the clear inference that my sense of purpose and direction was being questioned. I, myself, personally, found the words 'you don't know where you're going' to be verbally abusive and calculated to cause me distress. I have been signed off from work for a minimum period of four weeks during which time I will receive therapeutic counselling to repair the damage to my confidence and self-esteem." The Police spokesperson said that there were many serious complaints and issues to deal with following several anonymous calls received after the trip. Apparently Police wish to interview everyone who travelled but the organisers were unable to provide names and even gave several different versions of how many were on the coach. A source close to the organisers said that he understood that head-counts were performed regularly during the day but that numbers varied depending on whether the count started from the front or the back. Apparently a further complicating factor was that some people were not yet back on the coach when the head-counts were carried out following stop-offs as they were either having a cigarette outside or were in the toilet. Clearly a full review of procedures is required urgently. The organisers have agreed to this and have promised that they will ask the club's cleaner, Thelma, to perform this task when she gets a spare five minutes. The organisers were unsure whether Thelma worked mornings or afternoons or whether or not she was currently on holiday or had quit. " We haven't seen Thelma for a while" commented one " but when we do we'll have a word or we might leave her a note next to the pork scratchings box." The Police felt that the reference to 'scratchings' may have been a guilty reference to another serious complaint and have written the comment down and may use it in evidence in court. The Police spokespersons final comments were damning words indeed, " We are appalled at the behaviour of some who travelled and the general sloppiness of the organisation of these trips. We had another coach that travelled yesterday from nearby (the BOD squad) that included several gentlemen who were on a weekend release license. All appeared to have behaved impeccably and not a single complaint has been received. All those on license were back home before 6pm and duly honoured their tagging requirements." Hey....Leicester.......leave them kids alone.....All in all your just a, nuther prick on the dole ;)Great report Pete and a great day out with the lads...Speeeeedo's!! |
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Post by mids on Oct 21, 2013 8:01:58 GMT 1
scarfCracking work that Pete  Another fun day out, and when it eventually ended at 1.30am it was yet another 17.5 hours of my life that is hazy yet memorable for all the right reasons. Long live the Pikey Express and all who travel on her  |
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Post by 5kippy on Oct 21, 2013 8:58:36 GMT 1
Classic Pete, I laughed my cock off (it has since moved down to Leicester and gone on the dole).
Thanks to all for a brilliant day out, even though we experienced an "Encouraging Defeat".
Lastly, thanks to
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Post by 5kippy on Oct 21, 2013 9:02:40 GMT 1
Classic Pete, I laughed my cock off (it has since moved down to Leicester and gone on the dole). Thanks to all for a brilliant day out, even though we experienced an "Encouraging Defeat". Lastly, thanks to I'll finish it off now ...... Thanks to Scoffa for letting us on and making us feel welcome (albeit by making us drink from his piss bottle!). Also to the Bus Driver for allowing me to participate in queues that I might never have had the oportunity to ever get involved in. |
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Post by scoffsablue on Oct 21, 2013 10:56:25 GMT 1
Classic Pete, I laughed my cock off (it has since moved down to Leicester and gone on the dole). Thanks to all for a brilliant day out, even though we experienced an "Encouraging Defeat". Lastly, thanks to I'll finish it off now ...... Thanks to Scoffa for letting us on and making us feel welcome (albeit by making us drink from his piss bottle!). Also to the Bus Driver for allowing me to participate in queues that I might never have had the oportunity to ever get involved in. You're welcome Skippy.......be good to see you and Mark aboard the Pikey Express in the near future.....Now you know what's involved make sure you bring your own bottle of piss next time |
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Post by ShortbreadPete on Oct 21, 2013 21:01:02 GMT 1
It gets worse I'm afraid. There's been a further complaint from passengers in that apparently one selfish pikey asked for two hash browns at breakfast. The lady serving was unsure of procedures and all staff were summoned to a meeting that lasted for twenty minutes. The narrow 4-3 verdict was in favour of the request and the second hash brown was put on the plate. Those waiting behind the greedy pikey were then outraged at being served their cold breakfasts where 'congealed fat on the bacon was clearly evident'. To rub salt in their wounds, the greedy pikey was to be seen sat opposite them waving his bottle of Bud and repeatedly chanting 'hash brown army' over and over again whilst simultaneously informing his pals in the media by text, video, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram and email of his breakfast bonanza. One hungry but eloquent traveller towards the back of the queue commented "If looks could f****** kill, that t*** would be f****** dead the c***!"
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Post by 5kippy on Oct 23, 2013 9:16:46 GMT 1
I'll finish it off now ...... Thanks to Scoffa for letting us on and making us feel welcome (albeit by making us drink from his piss bottle!). Also to the Bus Driver for allowing me to participate in queues that I might never have had the oportunity to ever get involved in. You're welcome Skippy.......be good to see you and Mark aboard the Pikey Express in the near future.....Now you know what's involved make sure you bring your own bottle of piss next time We put our names down for Wigan & I'll be going with you to Wednesday as well. UTT |
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