Bloke pressie help

[Bernie]

>If you spent as much time manicuring your ears and hands as
>you do you feet you'd realise that they bloody well don't.

Jeri, old thing, I hate to sound aggressive but you are simply talking enormous, steaming wet shit. Do you really, really honestly, really actually honestly believe that two mass-produced guitars of relatively high quality are likely to be of such massive variation that they can't be set up to feel and sound pretty much identical?

I re-iterate - if you can't set up a guitar to sound and feel how you like it, then for fuck's sake don't go spunking 500 quid of your own cash on it.

You KNOW I'm right, it's just your presbyterian tight-fistednes can't admit you got stitched up like a kipper and could have saved a few bob and/or got a less gay-looking guitar.

[Catfish]

<pssst... I'd say he bit, wouldn't you?>

[jerichoharris]

I can't very well back down now can I.

I'm also perfectly capable of setting a guitar up to be the way I want it. All I was trying to put across was the fact that I loved the way it played and sounded without having to do bugger all to it. I didn't ask them to set it up. They asked me if I wanted anything doing to it and I said no and that it was perfectly nice the way it was.

Telecasters aren't gay. I will fight you if I have to. Mustangs are mostfcukingugly. They look like the bastard lovechild of ericfcukingclapton's guitar and the hunchback of Notre Dame. You might as well take off the headstock and replace it with a sodding great paddle.

> You KNOW I'm right, it's just your presbyterian tight-fistednes can't admit you got stitched up like a kipper and could have saved a few bob and/or got a less gay-looking guitar.

Whatalotofcock. If I was tightfisted I'd have just ordered the cheapest piece of shit I could find off t'internet.

I'm not going to deny the prebyterian bit.

[GroveR]

Bernie - everything from nut-height, the neck-girth, the contour of the frets to the quality of pickups can make a massive difference to how a guitar feels. You can obviously file the nut, re-lay the frets and replace the pickups with your own choice but then you're getting into geetar-geekery country and aren't far away from wearing on of these www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/sysadmin/344f/

Haven't owned one since I was 25 but I don't reckon I'd buy a guitar I hadn't banged out a quick "Stairway" on just to get a feel for it.

Agree he's a tight-fisted porridge-wog though. He's never bought me a drink anyways.

[Catfish]

No Stairway? Denied!

[Bernie]

Fair enough Jeri.. I'm a fan of the big fat headstock and offset waist though - all the coolest Fenders have them (excepting the Jag-Stang which is ugly and shit and is probably why Kurt Kerblam topped himself)


>everything from nut-height, the neck-girth, the contour of the
>frets to the quality of pickups can make a massive difference to
>how a guitar feels

Well, duh, as I believe the children say these days. Of course, on a mass produced guitar, the nut height, neck girth and fret contours are likely to be as near identical as makes no sodding difference, this is my point. Given a choice of brand new Fenders in a shop, I probably would demand a ridiculously expensive amp to blast "Smoke on the water" through, but that's more due to tradition then any chance of one 2006 US made Tele exhibiting different characteristics from another.

[GroveR]

Out of the factory, yes. What you buy in a shop, no - as the aforementioned sadfuckers will have already made all the geektweaks. Even amp-wise there's some right old beardies out there who reckon they can distinguish between the sound of valves used in different serial numbers of Vox and Marshall amps. I'd go for a Soldano myself but there is some heavy geekery out there - just look at MikR and his choice of guitar strap.

This thread is starting to mince, any proper bloke will be wanting one of these



and rather than dribnking the CarlsHorsePiss it comes with, filling it with beater before showing the missus the back of one's hand.

[Bernie]

Look - this "setup" talk is nealy all arse. THe only things you need to do are to make sure the bloody thing stays in tune all the away up the neck and MAYBE get the strings as low as possible without them buzzing . That's it. Anything beyond that is so up to the individual's technique that unless the individual does it themself, it won't make a tiny toss of difference.

And wouldn't call Carslberg piss if you'd drunk it at source. YOu certainly wouldn't dare to compare it with the shonky excuse for Stella one gets fobbed off with in Britain.

Come on, lessfucking AVE it, son.

[GroveR]

Drank at source? What's that then? From the horse's cock? Stella in Britain is diluted with pure knacker adrenaline - there's no other excuse for the inexplicable number of glassings it's DIRECTLY responsible for.

[Bernie]

In Copenhagen. Specifically, at the brewery but any pub in town will do (though not the one where the lady pulls pints without using her hands).

There's certainly something unusual in British Stella, I'll grant you that. It isn't flavourless or odorless though...

[GroveR]

Isn't it about £18 a pint over there though?

[Bernie]

A common misconception - more like 3 quid. It only cost a tenner to watch some awld slapper pull a pint with her gwat, for Stanshall's sake. Errmm... according to my sources, at least.

[MikR]

LEAVE VIV OUT OF THIS

AWAG tour to Copenhagen then?

[Bernie]

YOUR ITINERARY:

Day 1
Arrive Kastrup, eat a frighteningly red coloured hot dog as you await your baggage. Then meet your AWAG representative at arrivals and head to the underground train station for your connection to Christiania - what Auschwitz would have looked like, had it been full of hippies instead of Nazis and Jews. After being dribbled on by a drunk Greenlander and engaged in ludicrously gauche stoner conversation with a 21 year old American, it's back into town for Bernie's tour of the miltary battlefields - in this case the Shell building on Nyropsgade, used as Gestapo headquarters and blown to bits by a Mosquito bomber in 1945. Your guide will accept a token fee of 100 DK per person (or a quick fumble off the female participants) in return for his time and knowledge.

Next, we visit the famous "Museum Of Erotica" just off Strøget(complimentary toilet paper IS provided, but the seasoned visitor will bring his own), after that, feeling relaxed and tension-free it's down to Nyhavn, the old dock area, home to Hans Christian Andersson and the 12 pound pint. Following that, we drive miles and miles out of town to a shabby looking industrial loading dock to gawp at a frankly unimpressive statue of some bird with a fish tail instead of legs.

Back in town, we head up Strøget, past Kungen's Nytorv (site of some spectacular football violence back in 2001), avoiding Madame Tussaud's and the Guinness World Record shop to the main station. We skip out the back, pausing to admire the neoclassical vaulting, and find ourselves in what can only be described as a world of smut. MikR can get the round in, we'll have 22 halves, please.

[daleylama]

Wot no little mermaid on the tour?

That's like going to Amsterdam and not getting your cock sucked off by a 19 year old croatian beauty

[jerichoharris]

Oi daley, stop being any more fcukingstupid today than you can possibly help.

[daleylama]

What now?

I see no mention of a trip to see the little mermaid? I know it says "down to the old dock area, home to hans christian anderson" which is the general environs, but the little mermaid is the highlight of any trip to Copenhagen and needs highlighting, as is getting sucked off by a 19 year old croatian beauty when visiting Amsterdam, allegedly.

Edit: Erm, apart from the "a frankly unimpressive statue of some bird with a fish tail instead of legs"

I'm going to bed.

[jerichoharris]

"Following that, we drive miles and miles out of town to a shabby looking industrial loading dock to gawp at a frankly unimpressive statue of some bird with a fish tail instead of legs."

Make of that what you will.

[MikR]

Fuck me - this is the thread that keeps on giving. I'm struggling to contain my myrrhth*.

[Catfish]

That's a shit pun. I am, to be frank, incensed.

[MikR]

Ha - ace

I was just trying to combine my appreciation with a degree of festivity. Thou art truly a cruel mistress.

[Bernie]

I have been to se the Lille Havfru about 5 times now, because EVERYONE thinks like Daley. I try and tell them "Look, it's bloody MILES away, difficult to get to and it's about 2 foot high and looks like some scrap metal left on a rock". So, you hire a car, drive out there, and follow the crowd of other excited foreign tourists down to the bitterly cold waterfront. The only consolation is the collective sigh of disappointment everyone gives on seeing it.

If there's two five year old kids climbing on it, you can't see the damn thing at all:


web.hexia.net/roller/resources/mdl123/20060207220512165.jpg


What the fuck? Edit. Stupid bastard hyperlinks.

[GroveR]

Get away! That's crap that is!! That thing in the background looks vaguely like the Graf Spee.

[Catfish]

Bernie, I feel SICK at knowing you are 86 and I flirted with you.

Age shouldn't matter, but c'mon...

The Internet is a dangerous place. Urgh.

[Bernie]

I'm a lebian too, you know.. can I wear your tennis bra?

[MikR]

You don't spell "plebeian" like that, bernard.

[ralph2]

Has Penny decided yet/

[Bernie]

Well, quite Mik. I though that lent it extra authenticity. Plebs can't spell, can they?

[michelotti]

I spent a day in Copenhagen back in the late 80s. We went to the Carlsberg brewery in the morning, and joined the queue for the english speaking free tour. After the tour we were taken back to the tasting room which was full of french , germans, spanish, italians etc..etc.. all sat at their tables with their respective flags in the middle. We were shown to a table with a union jack in the middle, and at each seat there were 4 bottles of beer and 3 bottles of pop. Once the carlsberg tour bloke has finished waffling, we were all invited to sample the beer, One of our party noticed that most of the foreigners were only drinking pop, and so in true british pissartist fashion, we blagged all the beer from the other tables and got royally pissed for fuck all!

In the afternoon, we went to the Tuborg brewery and joined the queue for the English speaking tour........................Blah blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah etc.......etc.......etc......and got royally pissed AGAIN for fuck all! ;D

[ralph2]

Arnold Palmer golf game.